I write this one day before moving to Bangalore. This is my first mid-term trip there. I’m flying tomorrow.
And I wish myself awareness and energy.
The awareness to observe and learn from everything around me, and the energy to respond to the world in my authentic self.
Frankly, the last 4 years have been sloppy af.
I’ve just tried to stay afloat, stay alive. And while that attempt has been successful, it didn’t lead to like a whole lot of growth.
But that’s okay.
What I have is a great life and a lovely avenue ahead of me.
I genuinely feel that HTY and the time before that was when Naman was at his peak, the last 1.5 years – not so much.
Now it will be an attempt to bring ourselves back to that energy and build from there.
One thing that this time over the past 1.5 year has told me is that I am truly alone.
We all come alone.
We stay alone.
We will go alone.
You will have no one truly with you in your life.
Not your spouse.
Certainly not your parents.
Not Kabir, not Kashwi, no one.
Early, I wasn’t comfortable with this, and used to feel ‘lonely’ like everyone left me.
Today for the first time, I accept this, and I’m okay with it.
This directs me to pay attention towards the relationship I share with myself. Because I’m all that I have.
That relationship needs to be worked upon much more.
There have been a lot of unhealthy things I’ve picked up over the last 3 years. Maybe because I was in survival mode, maybe because I was in some way shifting the blame on someone else or being dependent on that.
Now, I need to take complete responsibility of myself.
I know I know.
This is chapter 1 of adulting, but well yeah – my chapter starts today and that’s perfectly fine.
There’s so much I want to do.
There’s so much energy inside me, but before I start shouting about it, I will stay quiet, put my head down and work.
Every day that I wake up, end to end, my goal will be to move us forward.
That’s all.
I know that I’m taking this decision for myself, because this puts me in the best position to grow – I’m excited to see how I can adapt to this, understand this and drive this.
I’m excited for myself.
I have been scared. I have been paralyzed. I have been a chutiya.
Truly, I’ve not been in the proper mindset for myself – i.e. been a chutiya.
But the good thing about being a chutiya is that it’s not a permanent fact – it’s just a situation.
It’s all about the stories we tell ourselves – remember?
And the good thing about stories is that you can reset and rewrite them.
Naman can be whoever he wants to be.
So, from now on, Naman will be who Naman is.
Who Naman knows he can be, the naman who comes with the yes theory attitude, the naman who always says – ‘Ma, I can do it’, the naman who cares enough about everything he works on, the naman who would go 1000 steps forward to pull things. the naman who’ll dedicate his life for you.
That’s who i’ll reset to being.
The HTY naman
The LinkedIn Naman.
Then let’s see, how the world shapes around him.
Last time we tried this, crazy things happened – let’s try again and see where it takes us!
~with love.
nmn